From a Catepillar to a Butterfly

 Sent you a text last month. I love you and miss you. Reality...I am blocked...I know that.  Just wanting you to know, I love you. My door is always open and would love to understand what is happening I wish you could speak your truth. Authentic  conversation is the way to awesome relationships. Wishing you would speak your truth.....be honest and open...its the only way to work on things. It's the path to love and good relationships.  I'm sorry I didn't promote that more as you were growing up. So many mistakes we made. So wish we would have had what is available today.

 October 10, 2023 It's been over a year since I posted. Shortly after the last post you texted me that you were going to go no contact for a year. August 24, 2022.  I knew it would be more.....I knew it could be forever. We have a total of almost seven years apart.  I continue to grow in ways I never dreamed. I have you to thank for that. Peeling back the layers of the onion and dealing with them one by one. I used to pray for a day I didn't cry. Now I string months together and don't let the grief consume me. Then there are the days, like this one, that I let the tears flow. I don't give myself permission to cry for the whole day anymore...now I give myself a couple of hours to just cry.  We are moving on with our life.We are learing to live without you.   Sometimes my mind gets off its leash and I dream about the the things we could do together to heal. Books I would love for us both to go through. I just finished, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma Resilen

 I have not written.....maybe I shouldn't even be writing. The signals have been sent. When do I listen to them and just stop....I don't know that my heart will ever give up. Not sending me a simple text on my birthday was a message. What you don't say sometimes speaks louder than what you do say. I was listening to a course today in the Self Healers group. Heart Conscious Communication Q & A with Nicole. She talked about asking the person with whom you wish to communicate with what I can do to make them more safe. I guess that would be for people who wish to try and not avoid. Maybe someday you can share with me how I can make you feel more safe. My own abandonment voices scream at me to give up....to stop trying. Sometimes I wish my heart would listen.....

 I am going to take this day by day. It's hard to share and put yourself out there when you don't even know if it matters to someone. Maybe I should look as somewhat of a journal of thoughts...that someone just happens to be able to access. And then just share when I want....when it feels right.  I continue in therapy though it is no longer weekly. I am in a much better place and have built a tremendous amount of emotional resiliency. We have habits that build that.  We have our daily habits that help us stay centered and grounded.  Therapy every night with the Podcasts or from the SelfHealers Course work I am in...will always have something. This gets harder when we don't sit down for dinner at night. It's only 15 minutes so we keep it attainable. Daily Gratitude's- before we go to bed we share 3 things each we are grateful for in the day Gratitude Quote - I cut up little slips of paper that have a gratitude quote and read one every night Book of Awakening - we rea

 These are counseling dates when Dad and I will be there together should you want to drop in. Again Solace Counseling in Allendale - Gina Merritt 12/11/23 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 11/13/23 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 10/16/23 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 9/18/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 7/10/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 6/12/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 5/8/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 4/12/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 3/13/23 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling June 28, 2022 1 pm  Dad Present

As Dad and I were doing the work, we came across this book. It was recommended by someone who is Buddhist. I was surprised at the references of God and then noticed that it references many different higher powers. The person that recommended it to us said there is something to learn from every religion or following. Wise words are just that, wise words to take and use in your life. There is something to be learned from everything.   There were a few, so far, that Dad and I had no idea what they said. There were some that spoke very loudly. I hope you listen to them someday. March    1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11  12  13  14  15  16  17  18  19  20  21  22   23   24   25   26   27  28   29   3