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How to Break Family Cycles: Dr. Mariel Buque ~ Some podcasts are So Profound they Deserve their own blog.

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First....I am so thankful to have the Spotify account you put me on. Thank you!!!  The Podcast with Glennon, Abbie and Amanda - We Can Do Hard things has continued to literally change my life and helped to continue on the healing road. Sometimes they hit me so hard and episode 346 - How to Break Family Cycles: Dr. Mariel Buque    The episode they discuss it was equally profound - Episode 347 - The Cycles We're Breaking   If ever you have emotional resilience to tackle healing our relationship, this is where I would want to start. Its is so profound. I have listend to it about 3x and am now choosing to listen again and share my thoughts and the things that hit me.  I have already bought the audio book by Dr. Buque How To Break Family Cylces and cannot wait to listen.  It's interesting but as we let go a little more and take steps to facilitate you not being in our life, we also continue to grow as people. I wish you a happy life and also hope that someday you have the tools to
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Loving enough to let you go.

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 I didn't get to choose my parents and parents don't get to choose their children but we do get to choose how hard we are willing to work in order to make the best of what we are given. Beginning to realize that I need to love you enough to let you go. It's not my pain that matters, its yours and if living without us is what is best for you then I need to love you enough to put my pain aside and not seek after you.  There's more than one way people show love...but its still love. A body is simply  a package for the true gifts inside. My gift to to you is to allow you to live your life without me. To find your happiness that we seem to take away.  This process sounds so simple in words, but the reality is I will have my days where the grief is enormous and it spills out all over. Those days where I will text, even though I am blocked. Those days where I leave a voicemail though I know you don't listen.   Know that I love you. LOVE YOU from the deepest parts of my hea
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Sent you a text last month....

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 Sent you a text last month. I love you and miss you. Reality...I am blocked...I know that.  Just wanting you to know, I love you. My door is always open and would love to understand what is happening I wish you could speak your truth. Authentic  conversation is the way to awesome relationships. Wishing you would speak your truth.....be honest and open...its the only way to work on things. It's the path to love and good relationships.  I'm sorry I didn't promote that more as you were growing up. So many mistakes we made. So wish we would have had what is available today.
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 October 10, 2023 It's been over a year since I posted. Shortly after the last post you texted me that you were going to go no contact for a year. August 24, 2022.  I knew it would be more.....I knew it could be forever. We have a total of almost seven years apart.  I continue to grow in ways I never dreamed. I have you to thank for that. Peeling back the layers of the onion and dealing with them one by one. I used to pray for a day I didn't cry. Now I string months together and don't let the grief consume me. Then there are the days, like this one, that I let the tears flow. I don't give myself permission to cry for the whole day anymore...now I give myself a couple of hours to just cry.  We are moving on with our life.We are learing to live without you.   Sometimes my mind gets off its leash and I dream about the the things we could do together to heal. Books I would love for us both to go through. I just finished, What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma Resilen
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The Mind is Torn

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 I have not written.....maybe I shouldn't even be writing. The signals have been sent. When do I listen to them and just stop....I don't know that my heart will ever give up. Not sending me a simple text on my birthday was a message. What you don't say sometimes speaks louder than what you do say. I was listening to a course today in the Self Healers group. Heart Conscious Communication Q & A with Nicole. She talked about asking the person with whom you wish to communicate with what I can do to make them more safe. I guess that would be for people who wish to try and not avoid. Maybe someday you can share with me how I can make you feel more safe. My own abandonment voices scream at me to give up....to stop trying. Sometimes I wish my heart would listen.....
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The decision to Write Or not to Write

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 I am going to take this day by day. It's hard to share and put yourself out there when you don't even know if it matters to someone. Maybe I should look as somewhat of a journal of thoughts...that someone just happens to be able to access. And then just share when I want....when it feels right.  I continue in therapy though it is no longer weekly. I am in a much better place and have built a tremendous amount of emotional resiliency. We have habits that build that.  We have our daily habits that help us stay centered and grounded.  Therapy every night with the Podcasts or from the SelfHealers Course work I am in...will always have something. This gets harder when we don't sit down for dinner at night. It's only 15 minutes so we keep it attainable. Daily Gratitude's- before we go to bed we share 3 things each we are grateful for in the day Gratitude Quote - I cut up little slips of paper that have a gratitude quote and read one every night Book of Awakening - we rea
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Counseling you are Welcome to Join

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 These are counseling dates when Dad and I will be there together should you want to drop in. Again Solace Counseling in Allendale - Gina Merritt 12/11/23 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 11/13/23 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 10/16/23 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 9/18/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 7/10/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 6/12/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 5/8/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 4/12/2023 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling 3/13/23 Gina Merritt Solace Counseling June 28, 2022 1 pm  Dad Present
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