Loving enough to let you go.

 I didn't get to choose my parents and parents don't get to choose their children but we do get to choose how hard we are willing to work in order to make the best of what we are given.

Beginning to realize that I need to love you enough to let you go. It's not my pain that matters, its yours and if living without us is what is best for you then I need to love you enough to put my pain aside and not seek after you. 

There's more than one way people show love...but its still love.

A body is simply  a package for the true gifts inside. My gift to to you is to allow you to live your life without me. To find your happiness that we seem to take away. 

This process sounds so simple in words, but the reality is I will have my days where the grief is enormous and it spills out all over. Those days where I will text, even though I am blocked. Those days where I leave a voicemail though I know you don't listen.  

Know that I love you. LOVE YOU from the deepest parts of my heart. 

 

We Can Do Hard Things Podcast with Glennon Doyle- Episodes I hope you listen to and hope someday to have discussion about.

52 -Forgiving and Finding Peace with Ashley C. Ford  28:00 Doing the same thing because its what you know. So grateful I have the emotional regulation to accept the things i wish i would have done differently. To have worked so hard for years that now its become who I am ... a totally different person. 30:30 You have to let all be true at the same time. You have to be able to process complex emotions. Accepting parents for who they are and AT THE SAME time not agree with everything. 34:00 Loyalty. Just to be clear...people should never suffer in silence because of what damage was caused. No one should suffer in silence. I have the emotional regulation to hear that....but it has to go BOTH ways. 39:00 "I love my Mom so much that i trust her to be able to do her own work....I am so deeply DEEPLY in love with who my mother wants to be and who she is at the same time" I wish you could embrace that statement. Because I am embracing it for you. I have come to realize you YOU have work to do to be able to manage conflict. I believe you are able to do the work... I can't do it for you. I hope you do it ....and I AM RIGHT HERE. I am always right here. All you have to do is reach out. I love how she says we cannot chance the past. But we can change the future.  

53 - How to Love Yourself and Let yourself Be Loved. - Was walking Kenzie listening to this one. Such an incredible women Ashley C. Ford. So many thoughts on this. I even purchased her book. Somebody's Daughter.